blowjob ettiquette for men and women!!!!
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule ..1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule ..3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule ..5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to ..8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behaviour to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule ..2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough,
keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".
Blowjob Etiquette for Women!
1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you
Falling in Love
V for Vendetta
so actually this isnt about the movie...this is about some current events happening in my life.....
I dont know whether to go to work or not for the rest of the week. Why should I if my boss is just going to take my money anyway??? Whats the purpose??? I got a damn 64.00 check because they took 100.00 dollars out!!! Of course he needs to get his money right??? Selffish bastard!!!!
He reminds me alot of my own father who i havent spoken to in nearly two years!!! I suppose im better off anyway because he has his perfect little family that he always wanted.
Maybe all the horrible things happening to me now have to do with karma. Is my karma really all that bad that I have to suffer in all areas??? Why cant life just be easy??? Why do I feel like I have to srtuggle with everything??? like I have to drag myself through existence because my legs wont work??? Have I really made so many bad choices throughout my 20 years that Im still paying for them??? Life has been a struggle since I was born and it just seems like it gets harder and harder every year.
I continuously hear that I should "Take one day at a time", but my stepping stones have grown very small. Now until I get another functioning career Im going to have to scrounge for every penny that I can get my hands on. Sometimes I wonder if it was wrong of me to turn down that 50 dollar a day bus run but other times Im glad I did because I can't stand to work for or with those people. But if I find out that anything was or is said about me they arent going to like what I have to say.
I definately wish I had access to that computer because I'd hire someone to hack into it and send a virus to it. Now the only thing I can do is not go in for the rest of the week. Leave them hanging high and dry! That office would not be in the shape it is if I hadnt have busted my ass off to do it...those maintence folders would not be up-to -date if I hadnt have fixed them. They'd still probably be in dissaray!!!
If I wanted to be vengefull I could find a way to do something so f**ked up to that place. Like spray paint something on every bus--then they'd have to paint over it. It'd have to be on the back though so it would take longer to notice or on the side of every bus. Something that would be hard to see. Or maybe an upside down pentacle on every windsheild. That would be hilarious. And itd have to be bright yellow too!!!! HAHA and I could spray it on the inside.
My goodness I would so want to see their faces if thats what they had to walk into on a Monday morning--- they wouldnt know what to do with themselves........
what is the meaning of a
i wish i knew what the meaning of a normal life was....
my life feels like im dragging myself through existence because my legs dont work....
everything in my life feels like a struggle..... and sometimes i dont know if im going to win or not....
